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The Monstrous Crocodile in the River Emajogi

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DA folder direct link: doodlewithgluegun.deviantart.c… 
 ink painting
150cm x 80 cm on canvas

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The Monstrous Crocodile in the River Emajõgi

80 x 150 cm, ink, 2017, Silja Erg


It’s a commonly known alternative fact that the crazy 1970s were the beginning of a widely spread trend to keep crocodile puppies as pets in the bathrooms among the people of Annelinn area of Tartu. But obviously like the appropriate routine with every pet, when the pet crocodile puppy doesn’t look that cute anymore, it’s time to replace the seasonal bathroom decoration with free space.

The best way for dealing with the crocodile is turning to a start up firm called The Crocodile Gates. The concept borrowed from the future is that each client is handed a manual 3D spray printer which they can use to draw gates at the shore of Anne canal that is aside the river Emajõgi and choose a convenient beach strip where to release the former domestic animal and future wild animal into the water in a way that would be the least stressful – for the owner.

The freedom device is in use until this day, it hasn’t caused the vast number of swimmers in the canal any problems, the swimmers don’t bother the crocodiles at all. Each year by the month of August when the concentration of crocodile puppies has risen too high, the Anne canal beach is closed for humans just in case so that the pups can enjoy the canal before getting ready for the winter hibernation without getting stuck to a human by accident.

Situation gets dangerous by the spring when the grown hungry crocodiles awaken. Traditionally this is the period when people have to intervene and try to get this situation under control. Each spring the scholars and students of Universitas Tartuensis spend days engineering different water travel devices to head out to a huge monster hunt to hunt down the worst crocodile monsters of the river. The machines are thrown into the water and then jumped in to follow. Most of the times, the seconds while the water machines stay on the surface, is not enough time to hunt any monsters, but it is enough time to declare the winner of this fight. The napping river monster usually opens one eye during this event, but not for very long.

The most dangerous months seem to be May and June. This is the time when it’s not a good idea to step into the water, it’s the period when the crocodile puppies are leaving the nests and they are taught how to catch a prey.  The few hour long night of June 23rd and the early morning is the high time of danger, during the shortest night of the year, the river monsters won’t sleep for a minute.  During this time, not all the toes of all the humans remain intact. After this day the river monsters spread out to different waters and the waters of Tartu are extremely tranquil during the month of July.


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Emajõe koletiskrokodill  

80 x 150 cm, tušš, 2017, Silja Erg


 
On üldteada alternatiivne fakt, et hulludel 70ndatel sai alguse laiahaardeline trend annelinlaste hulgas kasvatada vannitoas lemmikloomana krokodille. Kuid nagu kõigi lemmikloomade puhul kohane, siis krokodillikutsikana võetud loomake suureks kasvades enam nunnumeetrit vajalike pügalate võrra ei tõsta ning seega tuleb antud hooaja vannitoakaunistus kuhugi ära sokutada.


Parima võimaluse selleks andis millenniumivahetusel loodud start-up firma nimega Krokodillikutsikaväravad. Idee sisuks oli tulevikust laenatud tehnoloogia, kus iga klient sai osta endale manuaalse 3D spreiprinteri, millega sai värvida väravad Anne kanali veepiiri ette, mille kaudu sai kunagise lemmiklooma ja nüüdse metslooma vabadusse lasta vabalt valitud koduses kohas, et üleminek lemmikloomaelust metsloomaellu oleks võimalikult loomulik ning valutu - looma vabastaja jaoks.


Seade on kasutusel senimaani, suplejatega seoses probleeme pole tekkinud, nad ei sega krokodille. Iga aasta augustikuuks, kui krokodillide kontsentratsioon Anne kanalis liialt kõrgele tõuseb, suletakse igaks juhuks rand teistele ujujatele, et krokodillid saaksid enne talveunne minekut rahulikult supelda.


Ohtlikuks muutub olukord aga kevaditi, kui veelgi suuremaks kasvanud krokodillid ärkavad ning neis tärkab näljane jõekoletis. Traditsiooniliselt on see periood, kui inimesed sekkuvad ja proovivad olukorda kontrolli alla saada. Igal aastal ehitavad Tartu Ülikooli teadurid ja tudengid erinevaid veemasinaid ja seadmeid, et minna suurele jõekoletisejahile. Seadmed visatakse vette ja ise hüpatakse järgi. Enamasti nende sekundite jooksul, mil masinad vee peal püsivad, koletisi jahtida ei jõuta, kuid see on piisav aeg, et välja selgitada selle võitluse võitja. Lõunauinakut tegev jõekoletis teeb selle ürituse ajal tavaliselt ühe silma lahti, kuid mitte pikaks ajaks.


Kõige ohtlikumad kuud tunduvad olevat mai ja juuni. See on aeg, millal ei tasu väga vette kippuda, see on jõekoletise jaoks aeg, kus pojad lahkuvad pesast ja neile õpetatakse saagi püüdmist. Ohu tipphek on 23. juuni õhtu ja järgmine hommik, aasta lühikeseimal ööl jõekoletised ei maga minutitki ja nii mõnigi inimsupleja kaotab sel ööl oma väikse varba. Pärast seda lahkuvad jõekoletised uutesse vetesse ja juulis on Tartu veed rahulikud.

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RyukiGrayDragon's avatar
This looks amazing! :D